I'm sorry. *hug from me*

Now, the next time you are alone with Totem, give her a real hug. No hurry, no "gotta go study", no "need to water the plants", no nothin'.

I could start reciting random bits of therapy at you ... but I'll save you the boredom.

Actually it wouldn't bore me at all... I kinda cheers me up when friends try to help me out with this sorta stuff.

While nearly anything CAN cause stress, one of the leading causes, often called "trying to do too much" by people suffering stress seems to come most often from doing various things that "need to get done" while worrying about something that is largely out of one's control. It isn't the number of tasks that is causing the problem so much as the worrying about something that you can't do much about.

People most subject to this stress are people who want to "care" for somone by either:
1) Being there for the other person, talking through the problem (typical of female "caretakers")
2) Fixing the problem, by doing something about it (typical of male "caretakers")

Some problems just can't be dealt with well by others. World peace, as a silly example. More practically: addiction, co-dependency, bankruptcy, of course, these are huge problems, but smaller ones still cause stress, and often cause additional stress because the person suffering feels they "ought" to be able to handle a small problem ... the thing is, it often isn't "their" problem to handle. Some smaller problems that can't be well dealt with by anybody who isn't directly involved (the people with the problem have to WANT help): sibling rivalries, co-worker disputes, family illnesses, ...

All that aside ... recognizing the difference between what you CAN and CANNOT practically do is important. You're one person. Pick a FEW things that need to be done and can reasonably be done in a day, write them down (might need to break down a large task into sub-tasks). Do those. Be satisfied with the accomplishment. Don't sweat it too badly if an item doesn't get done that day, break it into sub-tasks and use the sub-tasks on later days. Don't worry about everything else that needs to get done. You can't do everything, no matter how hard you might try. You don't have to do everything yourself. One of your tasks for the day might be to turn some other task over to somebody else. That is fine.

To summarize a few points:

1) Recognize that some things are beyond your control ... and don't feel bad about it
2) Recognize what you HAVE accomplished each day

Another thing ... don't feel bad about feeling down. It's normal. Everybody feels down sometimes. If it happens for weeks at a time, once every few months, you might need some "pharmaceutical intervention". Never worked for me, but some people get a lot of help in this way.

I feel like I'm rambling.

If you happen to watch TV with Jen some evening ... you might try just letting her hold you in whatever way you are both comfortable with. People need physical contact especially from loved ones ... loneliness and isolation are, in my mind, a product of "the modern world" ... internet chat is fine for somethings, but you can't stroke the cheek of a keyboard.

Yeah ... I'm rambling.

Physical exercise seems to help me out quite a bit. By the end of winter I'm almost always blue, apparently lacking in sun, fresh air, and a "sweat". Mow a lawn, ride a bicycle, take a long walk ... our grandparents saying "Get out of the house and do something" knew what they were talking about.

Enough rambling. Hopefully something in there is helpful. If not, I'm sorry. Take care of yourself.

Affectionately,
Tea

PS - Oh yeah, don't feel bad just cause you still feel bad tomorrow or the next day ... you don't have to be "up" for the sake of other people. Most people have been there, they WILL understand if you are down ...

*tear* That was sooo heart warming. I'd hug you if I could Tea. ;)

Thanks for the advice. It meant a lot to me. :)

Tea, your advice has just helped me greatly. I am struggling with serious mental problems in day-to-day society. sometimes I feel so lonely, I could die. I feel out of place, like I dont belong. A hole, a gap in my heart that tells me something is wrong with everything. Your advice has touched that gap, and given me a comforting feel, knowing I am not the only one that feels this way. Thank you and thank you again... (is on the verge of tears, and thats hard to do)
Bryan, a lost lonely geek.